Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Wow! John Elder Robison is a fantastic story teller and what an amazing story he has to tell. I picked up this book because I am interested in reading about Asperger's from the point of view of someone who has lived with it, but I continued reading because it was so compelling.

There was nothing about this book I didn't like. It was funny, sometimes because he was intending to be funny and other times just because he was being so blunt and logical, I could see exactly where he was coming from. It was sad, particularly at times when he describes his awful childhood with parents who had many serious problems of their own. It is hard being a person with Asperger's even today, but back in the 70s when it was not a recognised condition, he was made to feel like he had a personality defect and would never come to any good. The exciting and unbelievable adventures he tells of in his book show that he did not simply accept and play the role he was given by people who didn't know any better. He took opportunities given to him and made new ones for himself.

Through reading this book, I have gained an insight into the world of someone with Asperger's, but have also been inspired to make the most of life (and to make up my own functional names for people!)

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Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence by Luke Jackson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I have given this book 4 stars. I liked it for lots of reasons, and considering it was written by a boy of 13 who obviously has many other things going on in his life, it's fantastic.

I have a daughter of 11 currently being assessed for Asperger Syndrome, and I read this to find out more about Aspergers from the point of view of a child who lives with it. That is exactly what this book gives. It's a clear, no-jargon, honest account of life with Aspergers from the point of view of a 13 year old boy with Dyspraxia and Aspergers, who, through being an observant member of a large family of children with various disorders, and a mum who is nothing short of superhuman, has written a particularly informative book which is both articulate and positive and provides the 'AS kid' with reassurance that they are not alone and advice on how to deal with many of the issues they are likely to face, as well as enlightening parents / carers / teachers of 'AS kids' about what it really is like in that world.

As I read, I found myself, nodding vehemently and laughing in recognition of many things he describes as well as his humour. If I had to complain about this book at all, it would be that it was a little repetitive at times, but that certainly didn't anoy me enough to stop me from reading it. I'm glad I didn't.

This has been a great starting point for me and has given me a wonderful peek into the world of children with Aspergers. It has been thought provoking and has prompted many discussions with others (parents & professionals) as well as encouraging me to ask my own questions and search for answers, helped greatly by the numerous links provided in the back of this book.

As Luke says in his book (many, many times) he is only thirteen and is not the expert on everything Aspergers, and this book is written in an informal style which I would expect of a child of his age (possibly a little older), but although this means it is easier for young teenagers to read and understand, it is by no means exclusively written for them and I recommend it for anyone who, like me, wants an insight into 'Planet Asperger'.

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Not a Dog Person...

I will not pretend to have written the following, although the author remains anonymous. I found it on the fantastic SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR PERFECT KID website. The author has apparently given permission to share it, so please read, digest and share...

Cats, Dogs, and Asperger’s Syndrome by Anonymous

Imagine for a moment a person who has grown up in a family where they only ever had pet dogs. Their friends and neighbours had pet dogs – all different breeds, colours and temperaments, but still, fundamentally, dogs. They all went to the dog park together every afternoon and always had a raucously good time. They had never, ever, ever seen a cat. Not once.

Then one day they stumble upon an adorable looking creature that is cute, furry, has a black wet nose, four paws and whiskers and for all intents and purposes, looks exactly like the type of friendly, willing to please dog they had known and loved all their lives. Its tail is waving to and fro in what is perceived to be a welcoming gesture so they go over, ruffle up its soft fur and attempt to roll it over to scratch its belly, anticipating their affectionate gesture will be delightfully received. Only it’s not a dog, it’s a cat, and their interaction is interpreted very differently. Lets just say, fur will fly and it will fly furiously.

Welcome to the world of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. A solitary cat, surviving in a room full of boisterous dogs. Its every move being analysed, interpreted and modified based on the framework of rules, behavioural patterns and ingrained habits of the canine species. And as a result, being disastrously misunderstood.

Dogs wag their tails as a sign of happiness and anticipation of social interaction. Cats swish their tails as a warning to back off and give them much needed space. Dogs always welcome affection in whatever way it is offered to them. Cats will also offer heartfelt affection but it needs to be on their terms, at a time that suits them. Sometimes they just need to be left alone. Dogs depend on your approval for their emotional wellbeing. Cats depend on certain things being in place in a routine that they can depend on, and will then reward your reliability with their unwavering friendship.

Dogs are inherently social. They are pack animals with deeply entrenched hierarchical rules of canine society and as a result are desperately eager to please, and occasionally challenge, the pack leader. As puppies, they will romp and play delightedly with their littermates until they fall into an exhausted, but happy heap on top of each other at the end of the day. They rarely turn down an offer of affection and will warmly greet their family with furry hugs and sloppy kisses when they get home.

On the surface, cats may seem more aloof, but cat lovers around the world will be quick to tell you they are always keenly observing every detail and will reward those who take the time to understand them with warmth, affection, loyalty and love. Dogs are less discriminating in whom they shower with their boundless love, and this is part of their universal appeal, but it is a trait that cats simply don’t understand or tolerate. Their love needs to be earned.

Dogs enthusiastically learn new tricks and are keen to show them off to gain further approval. Cats have extraordinary agility and mysterious extra-sensory skills, but will only display them when the circumstances dictate they are necessary. They need to be coaxed out and encouraged or will remain hidden forever.

Cats may not always look you in the eye, but they can see straight into your soul and will quietly commune with you while you process the problems of your world. Dogs will sense your unhappiness but may not fully understand it, so will entice you to capture some of their perpetual joy by grabbing their lead and making you take them for a walk to cheer you up. Their destination may be the same, but their journey could not be more different.

If you whistle for a cat to come to you, try to wrangle a leash onto its collar, drag it outside for a walk and hope it will thank you for letting it romp around the dog park then you are both doomed to crumple in a heap of confused despair. Simply said, cats are wired differently to dogs. They are not better or worse. Just different.

So if you want to understand my child with Asperger’s Syndrome, try to think of her as a cat in a room full of dogs, and you will be a lot closer to coaxing out her unique gifts, helping her understand social behavior that she may otherwise find bewildering, and maybe in time her gorgeous, eager to please peers will gain a greater appreciation of the grace, beauty and uniqueness that bestows her, just like her feline doppelgänger.