Feeling like a Loser

A horrible day's supply a few weeks ago at a school which should not remain nameless, but will because I'm the soul of discretion (!), during which I was called a 'fat witch' and was told by the same 'delightful' girl that I have a fat a**e and eat too many cakes, prompted me to not only decline more offers of supply work in that part of that school, but also to realize that I was sick of hearing the comments (some coming from no other than my own 5 year old son!) about my size or weight.

We'd been watching 'Fat Families' with Steve Miller on Sky 1 and although I would never consider myself to be in the same situation as most of the families features in the program, what Steve Miller said each week just seemed common sense. His basic advice to everyone was to "Eat less, move more".

So, I started on Sunday 14th March by going out for walk in the New Forest with the family. Since then I have just taken Steve's advice. I have cut down my portion sizes, stopped eating sweets, chocolates, crisps etc. reduced the amount of bread I eat and most importantly I have exercised every day for at least 30 minutes. I lost 5lb in the first week and 2lb the second week and 3lb so far this week. The best part is that it hasn't cost lots of money. I don't go to a gym. I just go out walking. I have tried to build it into the day, so instead of driving, I park the car and walk. The only thing I have bought is a pair of black trainers so that I can walk comfortably to work without looking silly in work clothes and white trainers!

Easter is going to be tough, but I am allowing myself an Easter egg and have made sure I have some healthy treats in, like fruit I don't usually buy and expensive fruit juices.

I don't feel like I'm missing out, but I do feel much better in myself for losing weight, being able to get into clothes that didn't fit before and am feeling so much healthier for all the exercise I'm doing.

School Withdrawal

Only 4 days after the start of the Summer Holidays, I should be relaxing after the very long and extremely busy half term, but after going into school on Thursday to clear the classroom out and briefly on Friday to drop off a few things, I still find myself pacing up and down unable to sit down and relax. Have I forgotten how to relax? Probably not forgotten, but it seems I am out of practice. My mind is still racing, coming up with new ideas for topics, spotting resources I could use etc. I hadn't realised how much school work I was actually doing at home until I stopped (or tried to stop!). I only counted the hours I sat at the computer planning and the time I sat marking & assessing work, but do any of us count the hours we spend thinking about school? It's probably not a good idea to do so. It would certainly remind me how much time I am stealing from my own children.

I have often said I believe things happen for a reason. I think I now know why I do not have a job for September. It will be good for me to do supply teaching again for a while. It will allow me to catch my breath again after my children have gone back to school, to leave school at a reasonable time (any time before 18.00 would be an improvement) and to be there for my own two children.

2nd Chance?

Interview last week at one of the lovely schools I mentioned did not go well. The lesson I planned was really good, but I did not deliver it well. I did not prepare enough for my interview and it was a tough interview with some difficult questions. I am using the excuse that I had not been well for a few days prior to the interview and so was not feeling 100% on the day. Doesn't make any difference though. they are not going to give me a job because they feel sorry for me. I do have another applicatioon to send off this week to a school I have had an interview at before. It is across the other side of the city so would take about 30 mins to get to in the mornings, but I have to take what is on offer. It is a nice school with a good ethos and having interviewed there before, I know what sort of things they are going to be asking should they invite me for an interview. In the meantime, supply is going okay. I enjoy being called by schools direct as apart from getting paid more, I get satisfaction out of knowing the like me / like my teaching and are asking me back.

School for all

Me & School

I have visited 2 lovely schools this week. Both about 15-20 mins away (in different directions) and both have a very similar ethos to my last school and so I'm feeling very excited at the possibility of going somewhere new and finishing (dare I suggest it!) my NQT year. I can't believe that after 2 years of teaching I am still an NQT, however I am in a good situation as an NQT as I have lots of experience of supply teaching; I have experience of having my own class and of taking over a class mid-year from another teacher and am still entitiled to my extra 1/2 day non-contact time. In addition to all that, I didn't get to go on my induction training last year as my paperwork went astray, so I have all of that to do still which will be really good for development and has already been paid for so should not be a worry for any school taking me on.

As far as supply work is concerned, there has been nothing so far. I have phoned and registered with the agency again (thought it would be handy to have a back up and as they pay weekly it would give me a bit if cash while I am waiting for the council to pay up) and have registered directly with several schools as well as being on the supply list at my last school, so it is just a case of waiting at the moment. Anyway, in one way it is nice to have the time to get on with my job applications.

Big J & school

Big J doesn't start school for another 10 days. We had a home visit yesterday from his new teacher and teaching assistant and that went very well. He told them about himself and did me proud by not talking about poo or willies despite those being his favourite topics of conversation at the moment. I think he is looking forward to it, but I think he is a bit apprehensive too. He knows the school quite well as Little Z went there and now goes to the junior school on the same site. He has also been to visit for snack time and story time etc. as part of the school's induction program for reception children. I am surprised at how nervous I am of him starting school. It's not like I don't know what to expect, but I still worry about him getting into trouble when it's not his fault or not knowing what to do if they give him something too difficult to do. I guess it is because he is still so young. He won't be 5 until next May so is really little to be going to school already. He will only go in part time to start with and then in December he will start going all day. I am looking forward to my childcare bill going down!

Little Z & School

Little Z has settled much better this term. The end of last term was really difficult as we (my friend & I) identified that she has Dyspraxia. As everyone knows children can be cruel and none more than two girls in her year who have made it their job to tease and be mean to her (and many other children) since she started school. Unfortunately she has made a good target for bullies as she doesn't always know how to react in social situations and tends to give them the reaction they want. So, having given her a couple of strategies to deal with these girls and a few others who have joined in, she seems much happier and more confident. She even stood up for her friend yesterday who was being picked on by a boy who usually picks on Little Z. I was so proud of her, although as there is something of the 'policewoman' about her, I have told her not to go fighting everyone's battles for them and to focus on her own for now. She has a few friends who are strong enough to stand up to the bully girls (who have told others not to play with little Z because she is wierd or have threatened not to be their friend if they play with Little Z) and she is now also a bit more conscious of her own behaviour, understanding that some behaviour is best kept for home (eg. pretending to be a rabbit!) so that it does not encourage others to tease her.

We still have a long way to go before I feel she is getting the right amount of support in school, but the teachers have been very good and have listened well although I could do with knowing what is going on a bit more often. In some ways being a teacher has helped me get it sorted out, but in other ways I am very conscious of not becoming one of those over protective parents who are always coming in to raise issues with the teachers. It's hard to switch off from being a teacher and be just a parent.

Larry & School

Larry went to school once. He picks up the kids and watches the playground characters (parents, not children) with amusement!

Lost

Oh, dear. I just looked at the last time I wrote a post for the blog and it was about 6 weeks ago. I still have the 'reports' counter on there. Reports went out weeks ago. Loads of water has flooded the bridge since then!

Okay, I can't really be bothered to do a build up to the bad news. The bottom line is that I have left my school. Not through choice, but not because they were unhappy either. I know, I have to explain this a bit as it won't make sense unless you already know what is going on.

Basically, once I heard C was likely to return, I decided to apply for other jobs. Then I decided that actually I would like to stay at my school and would go part time to be able to do that, so told them I was going to apply for the 3 day job share and couldn't motivate myself to apply for any other jobs. A couple of weeks after that, I heard that someone who used to work at my school who had been very popular was also applying for the job. This was not good news for me. I thought I was in a strong position as I already worked there, but I had nothing she didn't already have apart from the fact that I was still there.

Interview day was horrible for (almost) everyone involved. My interview went really well. I got great feedback on my application and my interview, but I was not able to compete with the other teacher. They had seen her teach before and said she was outstanding. I felt terrible. My friends were very supportive, but those who knew the other teacher and had known she was applying, knew already I could not compete. They had been kind enough not to tell me they were thinking it though.

So, I had to very quickly look for another job. There was only one and a half weeks before the end of term. I applied for a job at another school, but it went to a more experienced teacher. Again, I got excellent feedback and the headteacher of that school has given me lots of great advice and offered me supply work.

I will be doing supply in September, but hopefully for my last school as well as a few other schools I have been to in the past and not through an agency. It will be different this time. I am not so worried about doing supply now I have been teaching a while. I am also looking forward to not having to spend hours planning or assessing and sitting in meetings - wow! I am quite looking forward to it!

It will also be lovely to take Big J to school on his first day. Awww!

News & Opinion update !!

I haven't blogged for about 3 weeks, but it always seems to be that if you have time to blog, you don't have anything to blog about and if you have something to blog about, you are so busy doing it that you don't have time to blog about it (?? What a load of nonsense!?). So, I have tried to organise my post into some kind of order, although this is not what I am best at so it will no doubt stray from the point every now and then. Here goes...

Purchases:
The most exciting thing I (we) have done in the past 3 weeks is buying a campervan to replace the one we have already. The one we had (and still have actually) was about 27 years old and needs quite a bit of work doing on the body (don't we all?). We decided rather than keep ploughing money into the old one, we would look for a new one. It is, of course, not brand new, but it is considerably newer than the last one and in much better condition. We have not yet been off camping in it but intend to very soon having been (or about to be) given joint membership of the Caravan Club for our birthdays.





Opinions:
I don't often watch the news, which means I don't usually know what is going on (anyone who knows me does not need me to tell them this!) and so do not usually formulate an informed opinion about current events. Sometimes I happen to be in the room when Cartoon Network has not automatically taken control of my children and so am able to watch some grown up stuff. After watching the news, I pondered to myself, 'since when has it been acceptable to leave a 3 year old in their bedroom while I go out for a meal?' and 'does it make it okay to leave your children alone if they are locked in and if you are only a few hundred yards away?' and 'If I had spent thousands of pounds on IVF treatment, would I not take a little more care over where I left what I had paid for?' I know, you might say that doesn't necessarily make the child more precious, but I think, from experience, it means I would be more protective.

Complaints:
I received my Driving Licence back this week endorsed with 3 points. I was pleased to note that they had decided (for whatever reason) not to fine me. Under normal circumstances I would have been satisfied, however, the letter was dated 20th April and it had arrived on 10th May with a yellow sticker on the front telling me there was £1.24 to pay as Her Majesty's Courts Service had failed to put a stamp on it! I was lucky enough to have been let off the charge with PP working in the office, but decided to phone HMCS to complain anyway as they had sent an important document without paying postage, risking losing it altogether! They did apologise and offered to send me a stamp (how generous!). I accepted the apology but declined the offer of a stamp.

Work:
I have done a lot of work at an inner city primary school in their reception class. It has been chaotic but lots of fun. They even let me take Little Z on the trip to the farm as her school was closed for polling day (We are trying to raise standards and every child matters so lets close lots of schools for a day so we can use them for polling!) I have now been volounteered by a friend to do supply at her (scary!) school in year 5. I will be team teaching with a very experienced teacher, so should learn a lot, but am a bit scared as I generally turn down schools like this. I am looking at it as professional development and think I am actually going to enjoy the challenge.

Jobs:
No, I don't have one yet. Stop asking!
I applied for two jobs I really wanted and didn't even get interviews. Stupid schools. I am not going to take any old job though (or any for that matter if I doin't even get an interview!) I am sticking to my decision to be picky about where I apply to. I want to do my NQT year in the right school and with the right support.

Diet:
I am still doing weightwatchers. I have lost 10lb so far. It is hard but am trying my hardest to stay with it as I know it works.

Birthdays:

Big J will be 3 on Tuesday. My Birthday is the following Tuesday and then PP's birthday is the following Wednesday. Poor Little Z always feels a bit left out at this time of year and so we do our best to involve her in the celebration of Big J's birthday and to play down the adult birthdays as much as possible. We do notice her behaviour get considerably worse though at this time of year and have to try really hard not to make matters even worse by getting angry with her.

Well, I think that is about all for now. I am sure I will edit this a few times over the next few days as I remember other things that have happened over the last 3 weeks, but I don't suppose anyone will notice.

Bye Bye Campers!

Parents' Evening

I actually summoned up enough motivation to go to work yesterday. After having a week off due to my lost voice (which I had gradually said goodbye to the week before at Twyford Primary) and then another week off after my mushroom poisoning incident (not really needing the full week off but taking it anyway - what's the point of being a supply teacher if you can't take a few days off when you feel like it!) I thought I ought to go back to work or else it may never happen!

I got a nice day's supply in Year 3 at Whiteley Primary. The day went well. We had no numeracy or literacy (which meant no marking), started the day with RE (okay, a little marking, but not much!) then Art, in which the children were making the body of their animal sculptures out of plastic bags and masking tape ready to cover with paper and paste the next lesson and then finally paint (Great idea. I will use that myself), French, which was taught by the French teacher, so I just had to sit and watch, and then Music (Don't let's talk about that!) I took the 3 minutes the class owed me (at least!) from wasting my lesson time during the afternoon and they went home at 3.18pm. A short trip down the motorway, picking Big J up on the way and I was home by 4pm. Fantastic. I was ready to relax for the evening, when PP reminded me I had Little Z's parents' evening to go to at 6.30pm.

So far, every time I have been to parents' evening, I have been told "She is a daydreamer!" or "She is a chatterbox!" so I was expecting something along those lines again. As I sat on the little chair (5 sizes to small for my bum!) at the little table (it's a bit like Dennis Waterman on "Little Britain")Mrs T (no relation to Mr T!) looked at me and beemed. "I am so pleased with how Little Z's reading has come along. She has made such progress and seems to be coming on in leaps and bounds." Wow! She went on to say similar things about her writing. She said Little Z has lots of friends (where previously she would only play with one or two children or maybe choose to walk around with the teacher). I am really pleased.

The last time I spoke to this teacher on parents' evening, I had my notebook and had to raise a few issues which I thought were affecting Little Z's confidence. I really feel like they have taken on board what I have said and that it has paid off. I don't think I can ask for more than that. I think it goes to show what a good school it is and so I am keeping my fingers crossed that the internal promotion of the Reception Year teacher to Deputy Head leads to the position being advertised as "Suitable for an NQT".

I am aware, though, that it is not just the teacher who has made changes. I also appreciate that Little Z has had to work very hard to make such improvements this term, so well done to her. I am very proud of her.

Battle Against the Bishop

I have never been the most confident person and because of this I have never had the courage to drive very far on my own. PP has always been there to drive me to most places I needed to go and I was happy to let him drive, particularly to somewhere I didn't know.

In the past couple of years I have tried to make myself drive to places I didn't know and to have confidence in my own driving and map reading ability, although I have still not ventured too far out of my comfort zone.

However, when I started Supply teaching in October, I found that I had to get a grip. No one was there to take me where I needed to go. I soon got used to driving all over the place (not as in "you should have seen her - she was all over the place!), and now find that I can hop in the car with a map and having checked the directions on Google Maps and go.

Last week I went to visit a school called "Bishops Waltham Infants" in Bishops Waltham. The directions looked straight forward and despite PP suggesting I go down the M3 and come off at Winchester as that is the simplest route, I was determined that I did not need to be patronised and go 25 miles out of my way to take a simple route. I was now an experienced & confident driver used to driving to unknown places and would go the quickest(!)way.

It took me almost 1½ hours to reach the school and I had eventually, after getting lost so many times, stopped and asked for directions.

The crazy thing is, that it only took the headteacher 10 minutes to show me around the school! However, the school was lovely. The headteacher was very friendly and welcoming and I decided that although it is a bit further away than I had hoped to work, I would apply for the job as it is only for the summer term initially although there is a possibility of an extension for 1 more year.

After getting so lost on my first trip to the school, I thought it would be a good idea to deliver the application myself on Thursday this week, so that I could give myself the opportunity to find the school first time and to find out how long a normal journey to the school from home would take. I looked at Google for a bit longer this time, wrote out the instructions, ignored PPs advice of going the simple route and set off on Thursday afternoon. I had 2 hours before I had to collect Little Z from school, which meant I had plenty of time, even if I took a wrong turning.

I got back to Little Z's school with 5 mins to spare after collecting Big J on the way. Unfortunately, as well as having Big J in the car, I also still had my application. I had not found the school. In fact, I had not even found Bishops Waltham! Eventually I'd had to abort the trip and come back as I was running out of time.

Okay. I decided to use the simple route (stupid bloody simple route!). So, Friday I set off after again looking at Google and keeping in mind what PP had said: "Just follow the brown signs for 'Marwell Zoo' all the way and then you are there." Actually that seems like it can't fail, doesn't it? Why then, did I end up outside the gates of Marwell Zoo? (Stupid bloody Zoo!)

I did actually find the school this time. It just turned out that I had turned off the road sooner than I should have done and was, at least, heading in the right direction this time.

As the weather was so nice, I had decided to take Big J with me for a drive in the countryside and we took his new Scooby Doo bike along so we could stop on the way back for him to have a ride about before I dropped him off for lunch at nursery. Unfortunately, as it had taken longer than intended to get to Bishops Waltham, there was not a lot of time to get him back to nursery for lunch, so I thought I might actually risk looking after my own son for the day. (what a thought!). We stopped at a shop and bought some food, plastic cutlery and plastic cups for a picnic and looked for a place where we could stop to eat and where Big J could ride his bike. I was surprised to find that there was nowhere obvious between Bishops Waltham and Southampton to stop for a picnic and so we ended up on Southampton Common.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about Southampton Sports Centre and how lucky we were to have it on our doorstep. Less than half a mile from the Sports Centre we have Southampton Common.





We had a lovely afternoon next to the lake. We ate our picnic lunch, Big J rode his bike, ran around and fed the ducks. If I don't get the job or even an interview at Bishops Waltham Infants, it will still have been worth it, as we had a lovely afternoon.

That's rich...

Having just about recovered from the shock of having to do some planning this week, I arrived home fairly early on Friday after collecting Big J from nursery. What a relief to be able to relax and unwind after a working week.

"Before you start to enjoy your weekend, we've had a letter" Said PP pointing to the table.

NOTICE OF INTENDED PROSECUTION
In accordance with Section 1 of the Road Traffic Offenders Act, 1988, I give you notice that it is intended to take proceedings against the driver of motor vehicle MG01 AHL (the completely made-up private number plate I will never afford but would happily accept as a generous birthday gift, should any rich members of my family be reading!)

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that, as they say in Southampton "they done me for speedin' ". I was caught by a camera last Saturday on the way to swimming, apparently doing 37 on a dual carriageway through town, which is actually a 30 limit.

I was surprised at my own reaction, as was PP. I could rant and rave and get myself all stressed out, achieving nothing but upsetting the whole family and making myself feel bitter. Yes, I like my new (to me) car and I like the sound it makes when I put my foot down and no, I do not consider myself irresposible doing 37MpH on a dual carriageway with my kids in the car. Yes I wish I had seen the camera, and more to the point, I wish the camera was not there or at least not working, but I didn't and it was. So, it seems I have worked part of this week for nothing (nothing new there, I already pay council tax and income tax) and will have a few points on my licence.

Thank you, Mr J R Baldwin of the Hampshire Constabulary, for making me see the error of my ways.

"We scare because we care" (Monsters Inc.)

I have had a lovely, but strange week at a little village school, which has to remain nameless for what I am about to say in case I ever wish to do supply there again! I was covering a class teacher in a mixed Reception / year 1 class for 3.5 days (their usual PPA cover teacher had done the first 1.5 days) and as soon as I got there, I almost choked on the atmosphere.

The staff were all lovely to me on arrival. Having spoken to a few members of staff, including the Deputy Head, I came to the conclusion that there was no point in continuing to look for planning as there simply wasn't any! (my worst nightmare as a supply teacher!) As an NQT I am not particularly good at ad-libbing, but the deputy said, "do whatever it takes to get through the afternoon," so, assuming she did not mean 'leave the class on their own and head off down the pub' I let them do choosing activities, which, in English, means they played all afternoon.

That was not the last surprise of the week. It became clear during Tuesday afternoon, that most of the existing staff were looking for jobs as they did not get along with the headteacher. The teacher I was covering had handed in her resignation and was 'working' (with the help of a long term sicknote) her notice. It also became evident that no one had told the children their teacher was unlikely to come back and that most parents did not know either, although most sensed that all was not well and decided I might be the one to answer their barrage of questions. I had to stick to the "I know nothing. I am just the supply teacher" approach.

I have not been told they want me next week, and the agency have not arranged to send anyone else, so I am assuming they have made the decision to unsettle those poor children even further and that they will have yet another teacher next week.

Are they really living up to their "Aim to meet the individual needs of the children, in a caring environment"? (Quoted from their own website!)

Full of cold and No Job yet. Oh Joy...

Have applied for another 2 jobs today. I visited both schools and really liked both of them. One is only 10 minutes from home, which would be ideal, and I know someone else who is already working there, which would be really great. It is so depressing spending almost half a day per application working on the personal statement to support it, only to hear nothing. I can't help feeling that it would not hurt the schools to write a simple "thanks, but not this time" letter to people who apply, just to confirm that you can stop hoping for an interview.

On top of this I have caught a cold from one of the horrible little children where I did supply last week. Well, okay, I don't know where I actually caught it from, and standing for 4 hours in the freezing cold watching the carnival on Saturday night probably didn't help, but I am now stuck at home with a cold (yes, okay, I'm not going to die of a cold) and with the kids who are getting increasingly excited because Christmas is getting near.

Have a nice weekend now!

life changes

tAfter many discussions with my brother about how great his blog is (judge for yourself) and how bad mine was (I have now deleted it), I decided to take the opportunity of having 6 weeks off this summer to do something worthwhile. I also decided to start a fresh new blog!

It can be a scary thing to make a big change to your life, especially if your life is actually okay. In November 2004, after returning to work after having my second child, I realised I could not suffer my job any longer. I left my job and did a Primary PGCE at the University of Southampton..

I am lucky to have a very helpful, hardworking and supportive husband as the course was extremely difficult and at times I really wondered if I could cope with family pressures as well as the full time PGCE. Somehow, if it is something you really want, you do it. I look back at it now and let out a huge sigh of relief that it is over....or is it?

I now have to complete my NQT year and that is not going to be easy. But first things first, I have to get a job for September. Supply agencies here I come...